The following is a Guest Blog from Tom Duke. Earlier today he broke free from the psychiatric ward at London General Hospital. As usual, The Swim Brief editors are totally not responsible for anything he says. For full bios of all our resident guest bloggers, click here.
NO, I'M NOT YELLING. BRUNHILDA WAS USING MY COMPUTER AGAIN AND BROKE THE CAPS LOCK. NO, I'M FINE. IGNORE THAT WANKER DESANTIS, HE KNOWS NOTHING. I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO SAY AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE COMPUTER TECHNICIAN TO FIX MY CAPS LOCK.
WE ARE LITERALLY AT A NADIR OF WORLD HISTORY. I WARNED JULIO WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF CIELO WAS NOT BANNED FOR LIFE. AND NOW HE'S GOING TO SWIM IN THE MEET? AND DON'T GIVE ME THIS "CAS"! THEY'RE SWISS AREN'T THEY? WHY COULDN'T WE GET JAN ANDERS MANSON TO BE THE JUDGE? HE ALWAYS DOES WHAT WE ASK HIM TO.
WHAT WILL FOLLOW WILL BE WORSE THAN WHAT I CALL THE "RODEO IN ROME", WHEN HORRIBLE SYNTHETIC SUITS THAT WERE BIOENGINEERED BY ALIENS WERE ALLOWED TO TOUCH PURE HUMAN SKIN, COMBINING FOR A SPECTACLE NEVER BEFORE SEEN. WE ARE NOW SET FOR THE "SHANGHAI SHAKEDOWN". I HEREBY DECLARE ALL SPRINTING RESULTS FROM THIS COMING MEET NULL AND VOID AND WILL BE AWARDING MY OWN MEDALS TO SWIMMERS WHO ARE NOT CESAR CIELO. I WILL THEN BRING UP THIS LIST EVEN WHEN DISCUSSING TOPICS THAT ARE NOT AT ALL RELATED TO THE SPRINT RESULTS OF THIS MEET.
BRUNHILDA, GET MY LOAFERS. I'M GOING TO JULIO'S RIGHT NOW!
A+
ReplyDeleteAs someone's who has been hating life for the past 72 hours in the Armageddon weather in the Northeast, this made my week. Maybe my month, the tears that I just shed from laughing actually cooled me since my office can't process what an air conditioner is really supposed to do. But, I'm getting off-topic here. I actually said "REALLY! NO, REALLY." when I read this morning (in line at Starbucks forcing odd looks from strangers) that Cesar would be allowed to compete. I really have nothing against the guy, but if this was a "fluke" miss-sample, whatever you want to call it... I'd be fuming if I was all the other people who were in his situation and weren't so lucky. He better sob tears, I want 2-year old who just fell on the playground, can't breathe sobs if he wins a medal.
ReplyDeleteA hilarious rant. Thoroughly enjoyed it!!
ReplyDeleteThe ruling is a head scratcher for sure. tsk tsk tsk
I feel like some people are missing the joke here
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